Today is my birthday. In 30 minutes I will be those years and one more day older. I am sitting here counting my blessings. I have so many.
Despite everything that's happening right now, I consider myself pretty lucky.
Last week I was counting my regrets. I do that from time to time. Thinking of the things I would of changed along the way. But I always end up back here in the same place. And the truth of the matter is I couldn't change anything without it ultimately changing my life.
Everything I am, everything I've become -- the course of my life would change if I erased any of it.
I know this now.
When I left home 37 years ago I did not think about the events that would follow me.
I did not think about a broken heart,
or child abuse,
or sick sadistic strangers.
The world seemed so trusting then. And yet later these things would happen to me.
It would be a long time later before I would learn to forgive;
before I would learn to trust.
And so...
I am truly one of the lucky ones.
I am blessed.
I am a survivor.
I count my regrets only to remind me of how lucky I am.
My blessings are so many.
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This is a beautiful reminder that that though we walk through hell, we do come upon heaven. We ARE survivors. Funny how now we're sick, isn't it? Well, not funny. Not fair is what I mean. Not fair.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I try not to linger on what is and isn't just. It is hard to learn and live and be grateful for NOW while I am moaning, "It's not FAIR!"
Thank you for this post. You have an enduring spirit.
I too love your spirit and I send thoughts and prayers for your recovery. There just is no easy or fair way to do this
ReplyDeleteHugs
Linda