3/16/2011

   I think I am going through a bout of depression. The past few weeks have been difficult. My body aches all the time and since my TIPS procedure I have had heart problems. I keep getting sharp pains in my chest and a throbbing that comes and go. After an E.K.G. and a stress test the doctor was unable to find anything wrong with me. I have also had some severe knee pain which has bothered me a great deal. I am wearing a knee brace but that doesn't seem to help very much.
   With all these things happening, emotion is building. The knowledge of how real this is makes me weep, mostly because of the pain I am feeling.
   I went to see my doctor last week. We discussed my general health and the fact that my MELD dropped down to 18 and a lower category. I was in the top 11 and now I am in the top 34. This was a bit hard to take. When the doctor left he said, "Don't worry, you'll get your liver. It might be this year, or the next, but you'll get one."
   This past week I just came up on my three year anniversary since I was diagnosed with liver disease. To hear the news that I may have to go through this for another year or so is frustrating. It feels like I am starting all over again and that hurts my heart. In the past week or two I have tried to sit and write. Nothing seems to work. I can't even sleep without waking up all throughout the night. I am so tired.
   I go back for labs in a month. Hopefully my numbers will change by then.
   That is all.