Eye's Up Here

   There was a time a couple years ago when I noticed my nipples had become very sensitive. And when I say sensitive, I mean all it took was drying off with a bath towel and I was all but screaming. I mentioned this problem to my transplant coordinator and she said that it was probably one of the medications I was taking and she arranged to have one of my doctors prescribe something different. If memory serves right, it was a steroid medication. I read somewhere several months later that it was also prescribed for transgender patients. "What the ***!" I thought. Why had I not been told this earlier? I was also aware that a new symptom had developed that I had not noticed before. My breast had become larger due to something called gynecomastia which immediately made me self-conscious. Whether this had anything to do with the medication or not doesn't really matter. What mattered was that everyone I spoke to seemed to be scrutinizing my chest and I was all like, "Eye's up here Missy." Since then I've taken more time to review all my new medications.
   So anyways, the other day Lois reached across me brushing my nipple and I about screamed. That familiar pain had returned but it is only bothering one nipple. That it was limited to only one area seemed odd to me so I'm going to go see my regular doctor and see what he has to say. I'd feel a lot better if the sensitivity wasn't just limited to one area. I've also realized that I'm no longer uncomfortable with the whole big breast issue. It is what it is and I'll live with it. In the meantime I have new labs coming up and another ultra sound. They check me for liver cancer every six months and look for tumors and any other weird out of the ordinary spots. Hopefully they don't find anything.
   I get mixed feelings from time to time when I think about what the past 3 1/2 years have brought our way. I have had a lot of time to reflect on things in my life. Most people may find themselves reviewing their lives over a matter of time measured in days, weeks or months. I find I do it daily. As the world fly's by I seem to clutch at thin air. Uncertain of the future. Wanting. Waiting.