Eye's Up Here

   There was a time a couple years ago when I noticed my nipples had become very sensitive. And when I say sensitive, I mean all it took was drying off with a bath towel and I was all but screaming. I mentioned this problem to my transplant coordinator and she said that it was probably one of the medications I was taking and she arranged to have one of my doctors prescribe something different. If memory serves right, it was a steroid medication. I read somewhere several months later that it was also prescribed for transgender patients. "What the ***!" I thought. Why had I not been told this earlier? I was also aware that a new symptom had developed that I had not noticed before. My breast had become larger due to something called gynecomastia which immediately made me self-conscious. Whether this had anything to do with the medication or not doesn't really matter. What mattered was that everyone I spoke to seemed to be scrutinizing my chest and I was all like, "Eye's up here Missy." Since then I've taken more time to review all my new medications.
   So anyways, the other day Lois reached across me brushing my nipple and I about screamed. That familiar pain had returned but it is only bothering one nipple. That it was limited to only one area seemed odd to me so I'm going to go see my regular doctor and see what he has to say. I'd feel a lot better if the sensitivity wasn't just limited to one area. I've also realized that I'm no longer uncomfortable with the whole big breast issue. It is what it is and I'll live with it. In the meantime I have new labs coming up and another ultra sound. They check me for liver cancer every six months and look for tumors and any other weird out of the ordinary spots. Hopefully they don't find anything.
   I get mixed feelings from time to time when I think about what the past 3 1/2 years have brought our way. I have had a lot of time to reflect on things in my life. Most people may find themselves reviewing their lives over a matter of time measured in days, weeks or months. I find I do it daily. As the world fly's by I seem to clutch at thin air. Uncertain of the future. Wanting. Waiting.

Current MELD

   The other day I woke up feeling pretty sick. It lingered all day long. Luckily they make nausea pills. It got me thinking about my transplant region and how my wife read that they normally don't start transplanting until you've reached a MELD of 28. That usually means you're probably sick enough to be in the hospital. 
   I am still a long ways off according to those figures. Right now there are only 3 people listed in the highest category and 9 in mine. I try not to think about this, but with transplant getting closer and my MELD rising, it is hard to put aside. Plus having these aches and pains are a constant reminder. I continue to get the shakes and I'm constantly tired. The encephalopathy is happening more often and I fear the worst. Losing my mind sucks. I'm beginning to wonder how much I got left in me. It is starting to show in my work.
   In any regard, just around the corner there's a rainbow in the sky. Hopefully I can maintain my current MELD of 22 or at least keep it rising.
   That is all.

What a Week

   Today I was overwhelmed with all that has been happening. I have been doing very well keeping depression on the back burner, but once in a while things get to me. I think time is starting to take its toll. I want so much for this to be over with and yet I know it is going to take however long it's going to take. It doesn't help knowing that my region has one of the longest waiting periods, or that my numbers have held steady at 22 for the last three months. Anyhow, I'm feeling much better now.
   I have been without my computer for the past few days. My battery died some time back and I have been running of my power cord alone. Last week my cord started shorting out and I had to order another one because I was tired of holding it in the same position so I could use it. And when I say I had to order it I mean Lois had to order it. When I finally got the cord it decided it wanted a new battery because it kept turning itself off. So I had to order another one. And again, I mean Lois had to order me another. It finally came today and so far it seems to be running okay. Except when I first put the battery in it fell right out. And then it did it again when I put it in the second time. (You have got to be kidding me) I thought. So I literally slapped it in on the third time and it stayed. (Oh, thank you!) I smiled. Now the brightness keeps dimming out and I have to go back and adjust it every 15 minutes. I think I have finally got it figured out.
   Lois is slowly healing. She is still very sore, but she has had no problem with swallowing or reflux. Hopefully everything is going to get better. We just need to get her through the next 6 months without sneezing.
   Well, it is late and I need to get to sleep. Many thanks to all my friends that keep sending me notes and a warm welcome to the some new followers on each of my blogs. I'll try to get out and get some pictures this coming week. Peace be with you.