It has been a heavy week and it is only Wednesday.
On Monday I found out that my new labs for my MELD score in December were never updated with UNOS (United Network for Organ Sharing). That disheartened me and caused me some grief for a couple of days while I processed it.
Today I learned that a good friends wife has cancer. I have trouble with that one. I lost both of my parents to cancer.
Five minutes later I was told that one of my best friends has colon cancer. This I didn't take so well and had to find a place to shed some tears. Sometimes I just don't get it, and I wonder why things happen the way they do.
And then, on the horizon, I am thinking about Lois' endoscopy coming up real soon and the worry gnaws at me.
Too much. Too damn much to think about.
So...my score dropped because of an error. My friends are faced with sad and disturbing news that may most likely be life altering and worry is scratching on the inside of my skull that keeps me up at night. Never mind all the other stuff. The stuff that has already become part of the scenery. The kids not doing anything to help out because...they are kids. The freezer going out for the second time in a row and losing all the frozen groceries because I can't figure out what's causing the GFI to trip. Never mind the mountain of insane that keeps happening. Too much. Too damn much to think about.
I say a prayer for this and prayer for that, and in between I offer a kiss or a hug for comfort. It is heavier today, but I still manage to laugh and smile about the other things there in life. The things that are funny. The fact that my oldest dresses like Helena Bonham Carter. Or that the animals in my house always make me smile. And I realize that these things are not too much; they are not enough.
On Monday I found out that my new labs for my MELD score in December were never updated with UNOS (United Network for Organ Sharing). That disheartened me and caused me some grief for a couple of days while I processed it.
Today I learned that a good friends wife has cancer. I have trouble with that one. I lost both of my parents to cancer.
Five minutes later I was told that one of my best friends has colon cancer. This I didn't take so well and had to find a place to shed some tears. Sometimes I just don't get it, and I wonder why things happen the way they do.
And then, on the horizon, I am thinking about Lois' endoscopy coming up real soon and the worry gnaws at me.
Too much. Too damn much to think about.
So...my score dropped because of an error. My friends are faced with sad and disturbing news that may most likely be life altering and worry is scratching on the inside of my skull that keeps me up at night. Never mind all the other stuff. The stuff that has already become part of the scenery. The kids not doing anything to help out because...they are kids. The freezer going out for the second time in a row and losing all the frozen groceries because I can't figure out what's causing the GFI to trip. Never mind the mountain of insane that keeps happening. Too much. Too damn much to think about.
I say a prayer for this and prayer for that, and in between I offer a kiss or a hug for comfort. It is heavier today, but I still manage to laugh and smile about the other things there in life. The things that are funny. The fact that my oldest dresses like Helena Bonham Carter. Or that the animals in my house always make me smile. And I realize that these things are not too much; they are not enough.
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There is never enough of the small things dear friend. I wish you peace, love, and all the little things in life that make up the beauty that surround us in the coming new year.(Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteUgh! I like that your daughter dresses like Helena Bonham Carter, that me smile.
ReplyDeleteBig hug to you, my friend. It sounds like the various bad and sad news got a little overwhelming. You had a tough year! And you worked hard on dealing with all of it and taking things slowly, and finding ways to stay connected to love and hope.
ReplyDeleteWishing you and your family better news and more moments of lightness and ease in the coming year. And many satisfyingly insane outfits for your daughter!
Hug hug hug hug.
I hope things take a turn for the better for you in 2011
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year from rainy Southern California
May God bless you and your family :-)
~Ron
sending you love and holding you and your beloveds in my heart always with healing prayers. I am so sorry for this deep, deep sadness and suffering...and grateful that you are still able to see the blessings. May this New Year bring healing into the world for all of us, and open our eyes, ears and hearts to the beauty that somehow manages to balance out the suffering.
ReplyDeleteHey, there is nothing wrong with Helena Bonham Carter haha Though I did see her in something yesterday with blonde hair and wearing a short skirt, oh my she looked different.
ReplyDeleteKeep holding on for the samll things. Perhaps, try to make a note of one or two small things that have happened each day.
I hope everything that you want comes true in this New Year.
Thinking of you all.
Hey Beaux- I add a prayer for light to continue to guide you. The beautiful words added here by your friends are indeed treasures to hold close. hugs, teri
ReplyDeletethinking about you and holding you in my prayers as I lay down my macbook and drift off to sleep. You are never far from my thoughts sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteps...don't write back...save your strength:)