Sunday, March 8, 2009

What Was I Just Saying?

So here’s the deal. Lately I haven’t been feeling very well. I have been really sore and my joints are killing me, particularly in my legs. A few months ago I went to see my dermatologist because my psoriasis was getting out of hand. I was beginning to scratch so much I was starting to bleed. My biggest concern – on top of the fact that I was feeling uncomfortable and miserable -- was that I didn’t want to risk the chance of infection because of my immune system. So I went to see the doctor and I pleaded that we do something different other than the topical treatments I’d been using. And after reviewing everything we’ve done and thinking about some things we could try, we decided to go with Enbrel injections. The stuff is amazing. (And for the $ you would think so). When I saw the dermatologist the other day he said the psoriasis was gone. I asked him about the joint pain (because I also have psoriatic arthritis) and he said generally that would be the first thing to leave with this medication. He also reminded me that I’ve been somewhat of a puzzle all along and that maybe it would go away last. “Let’s just keep an eye on it.” He said. That was about two weeks ago and the pain has continued to worsen.
Well yesterday while I was at work my knee started bothering me and I began limping. It felt like my knee had just gone out even though I didn’t do anything. I thought if I worked it a little and walked around it might go away. But, six hours later it was still aching. This thing isn’t just going to go away.
Last night before I went to bed I looked at it and it had definitely swelled. Today it even feels worse. I will certainly be making some plans to see my family doctor this week.

One thing I have noticed as time goes on is that there is no rhyme or reason to all the symptoms of liver disease. Everyone is affected differently. People present differently. Most people will share many of the major symptoms that liver failure brings about, but everyone has a unique set of problems all of their own.
I have also become increasingly aware of my body – its likes and dislikes – and it has helped me. I realize that salt is no longer an option in any amount. It just winds up making me sick or bloated so I have pretty much eliminated it. Occasionally I still partake, but nothing excessive. I have also noticed a visual change. My peripheral vision is always going crazy and I constantly see things out of the corner of my eye, more so than usual, and my eyes are always watering.
And then there is the memory thing. Perhaps the scariest feeling of all is when I question my focus. I know that I get a little hazy and my concentration isn’t what it used to be. It’s definitely changing. I can’t read anymore because when I do I suddenly realize I have just made up my own line and verse. It makes for good storyline sometimes but I’m pretty sure my version isn’t what the author was after. The thing I hate the worst is that feeling of emptiness, when you stop in mid stride and everything is blank. When you stop and ask yourself: What the hell was I just doing?

1 comment:

  1. Hello friend
    Thinking or you and wishing you a turn around for the better. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers as is your family. I know this is so tough