Keeping On

   Lois has her surgery on Friday. The doctor said that it will be difficult and has arranged to have another surgeon there. He doesn't feel like he'll need anyone, but wants to take all the precautions he can. In the meanwhile Lois is dying from pain and can't wait for it to be over. She is slamming vitamin C because she thinks she may have a cold coming on.
   I have been having a lot of knee pains. I think it is my psoriatic arthritis. Sometimes it is extremely painful and I can hardly stand it,  I also had another encephalopathy spell at work on Saturday. I was able to recognize it and turn it around it real quick, and by real quick I mean it took a couple of hours. I feel like I'm getting sicker. I am having more bloody noses these days. This past week I even went home early because I wasn't feeling good and I was nauseous, something that I haven't felt for a while. My pain trumps everything else I have going on, but I feel the other symptoms right there beneath the surface. Suddenly I find myself saying, "Hold on."
   My biggest worry right now is Lois and the girls. The next few days will be kind of hectic at our household. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
   Wishing everyone well.

3/16/2011

   I think I am going through a bout of depression. The past few weeks have been difficult. My body aches all the time and since my TIPS procedure I have had heart problems. I keep getting sharp pains in my chest and a throbbing that comes and go. After an E.K.G. and a stress test the doctor was unable to find anything wrong with me. I have also had some severe knee pain which has bothered me a great deal. I am wearing a knee brace but that doesn't seem to help very much.
   With all these things happening, emotion is building. The knowledge of how real this is makes me weep, mostly because of the pain I am feeling.
   I went to see my doctor last week. We discussed my general health and the fact that my MELD dropped down to 18 and a lower category. I was in the top 11 and now I am in the top 34. This was a bit hard to take. When the doctor left he said, "Don't worry, you'll get your liver. It might be this year, or the next, but you'll get one."
   This past week I just came up on my three year anniversary since I was diagnosed with liver disease. To hear the news that I may have to go through this for another year or so is frustrating. It feels like I am starting all over again and that hurts my heart. In the past week or two I have tried to sit and write. Nothing seems to work. I can't even sleep without waking up all throughout the night. I am so tired.
   I go back for labs in a month. Hopefully my numbers will change by then.
   That is all.

In a Nutshell

Lately I've been feeling sore. I never know when the pain will come. Sometimes I have bouts of it. Sometimes it is like jolts of electricity shooting through my body. It may be in my back or in my stomach. It may travel through my shoulders or my legs. They are usually brief, like they are subtle reminders of what comes next, screaming this is that. Sometimes there is no pain. Sometimes it is just an unrelenting tiredness that has no boundary. I must just sleep. Sometimes it is a persistent nauseating feeling in my stomach.
My muscle mass is slowly wasting. That means my strength is leaving. I am going to have to work on this. If I can do anything for myself right now then this is it. I need more exercise.
I haven't been writing very much because I keep losing my train of thought. I don't think it's terribly bad, but it is certainly more difficult. Sometimes I will be talking to Lois and I'll lose the words. I have to stop and think about what it is I'm saying. She'll ask me repeatedly what it is I'm trying to say and then I will get frustrated and tell her to hang on a second. This is a big worry for me. I don't want to lose my mental faculties.
My psoriasis has returned. I was hoping that I'd have my transplant before this happened. I'm not sure what to do about this new development because it takes a lot of time to treat it and it is uncomfortable. I was actually thinking about asking my doctor about trying the interferon treatment again to see if we could fight the HCV. I figured that if I was going to be miserable for the next few months then maybe I could give it a shot and see what happens. But the interferon has a nasty way of making the psoriasis flare up so maybe that won't work right now.
I realize that this post probably sounds kind of depressing. I think I'm a bit overwhelmed these days. Up until recently I've tried to keep my head on straight. And in all honesty I think I've been doing a pretty good job of it.
I hope to be feeling better by the next time I post again.
Peace.